'Muppets' Are No Muppets

I take issue with the backlash against the alleged “Muppet” characterization by Goldman Managing Directors.
Clearly the individuals who are up in arms about this terminology have little to no knowledge of the Muppets and have completely misinterpreted the term.
The Muppets have a long history of sophisticated and suave business dealings, beginning from their early days back in the hood. When they started, they were little more than fancy sock puppets, babysitting toddlers so their mothers could pop prescription “happy pills” and feverishly houseclean. Utilizing the little known public broadcasting sector as their spring board, they managed to parlay their neighborhood day care to a billion dollar business, quickly surpassing their sweater loving neighbor, his ties to royalty notwithstanding. Today they lead an opulent, lavish lifestyle, while passing themselves off as average hand puppets of middle class means. Even individually, they have proven themselves capable of wily business moves.
Miss Piggy has managed to not only achieve ‘diva’ status, but was able to do so without succumbing to the Hollywood pressure to shed her excess weight.
Kermit has overcome prejudice against his color, in order to lead the group using an understated manner, although rumors abound regarding some of his heavy handed tactics and his roving eye. Much has been made of his supposed “kiss me and I’ll become a prince” line that he’s used on a number of starlets (with greater success than you would think).
Big Bird, once considered a bit of a ‘freak’ in society, hit it big with the infant to toddler set, garnering a dominating share of the infant toy, clothing and crib accessory markets. Rumors are that he would like to branch out into the post toddler market, taking on market leaders Dinosaurs and big trucks. Analysts are split as to whether he can pull it off.
Elmo, the newest prodigy of the group of entrepreneurs has proven to be a huge mover and shaker, gyrating his way into the toddler market that Big Bird enjoys, but expanding to a new group of single ladies, in what one insider described as “a pornographic pleasure trove of riches.” It’s whispered that many women who purchase the battery operated vibrating Elmo toy apparently are keeping it for their own private use.
Collectively they continue to produce blockbuster after blockbuster, wooing subsequent generations who become lifelong fans, eager to indoctrinate their own offspring.